Foot-friggin'-ball. Big friggin' deal.
My best weekend entertainment advice for everyone who lives within a five mile radius of campus? Make like Farragut and evacuate.
Because while some people are content to sit up the stands and watch a bunch of orange and white spots chasing around a little speck of brown, others have their sights set on a bigger ball.
I'm talking about a bowling ball.
Bowling doesn't get the credit it deserves. How many times have you flipped to the back page of the Beacon and read a feature on bowling? Yeah. Bowling is the lost sport, the sport that slipped between the cracks, the sport that hides in the corner while the other sports laugh at it. Some people don't even think it's a sport.
If you ask me, it's because of the beer. Everyone knows that beer and bowling are intrinsically linked. A football is to football what beer is to bowling. So, since beer is such a critical element of bowling, and since beer is such a critical element of entertainment, we'll refer to bowling as recreational entertainment and therefore acceptable subject matter for this column.
And I should know. In fact, just this week some friends and I started our very own bowling league. I don't know why, since none of us have bowled since the 80s, but I think it had to do our subconscious intuitive belief that everything that starts with the letter B must be good (butterflies, bubblegum, bubble baths, beer, birthdays, balloons, barstools...) Of course, we also all like drinking and they had a beer special.
But after an evening at Fountain Lanes and several pitchers of beer, we realized that there is much, much more to bowling than we ever before thought possible.
Bowling is all about precision, dynamics and geometry. It's about charisma and pizzazz.
And that, dear readers, we did have. Every time one of us would pick up a ball, everyone in the alley would practically stop what they were doing to watch us. We were, in a single word, astonishing. The lady at the snack counter even gave us free popcorn, I think because she was inspired by watching us.
One of my most astonishing moments came after I did a running double spin and then bowled a strike, topped only by the strike that happened when I just threw it at the pins as hard as I could.
I have other astonishing stuff up my sleeve as well. There's the punt, and my dip, touch the floor, drop the ball and no thumbs, let it go, spin to the left moves. And no words can do justice to my signature follow-up. I may have bowled a 48 this week, but I think I have the potential to take bowling to a higher level.
I mean, I can't tell you what's right for you. You just have to get out there and try it and see what's comfortable. You just have to find out where you fit in.
Also, you also need the right equipment. Most importantly, to look cool, you need a good bowling shirt. For example, my league decided to go with the old school retro look brown polyester with mustard trim and maybe a big bowling pin appliquŽ on the back. Then you need bowling shoes and, if you're really hard-core, your own bowling ball. I want one that looks like the Sunsphere with a marble-on-steroids casing.
Plus, there's cosmic bowling, which features black lights and glow-in-the-dark pins, and extreme bowling. But that commercial stuff is for the flutterbowlers and church groups. Real bowlers don't mess around. They bowl dirty.
I can't really explain the magic of bowling, but I do know that I've found my gravy train with bowling and I'm going to ride it out on biscuit wheels.