And the Emmy goes to? Well, not me, but maybe it should. The Emmys, the Academy Awards and MTV's various award extravaganzas are all designed to reinforce the cinematic/musical/egos of Hollywood.
The people that win these awards are already the most beautiful, wealthy and lucky breathing entities on this earth. Movie stars and starlets get truckloads of fan mail and mass cult followings.
Why feed the monster ego that is Tinsel Town by televising a show where the same people win, like the hot dogs at the gas station, on a three-year rotation?
Perhaps, and I might be going out on a limb here, I am a tad bit jealous. Perhaps I want my own cult. Perhaps I might just roll out the red carpet at my shack in Fort Sanders and graciously accept the award for best of the best of the best award.
Nobody ever cares who wins the awards for best lighting or best sound editing. Nobody cares who won best costume designer and slaved away stitching Elijah Woods' short tattered hobbit pants.
We should applaud those guys that are behind the scenes and do all the heavy lifting. Like the key grip. What is a key grip? Do they open all the doors? Perhaps we'll never know; I shall mark it off as one of the great mysteries of life and go on.
I have also wondered who really decides the winner. On the official Academy Awards Web site it says that voting "is conducted by secret ballot and tabulated by the international auditing firm of PricewaterhouseCoopers." So basically this means that the host, better known as Billy Crystal, picks names out of the hat an hour before showtime.
I really admire all of the talent that fumes from the hole that is Hollywood. I love films, they are my world, but I have never received an award for sitting through all the bad films these stars have been in over the years.
I think that if we continue to have these award shows, we should expand the parameters to include the laypeople of America.
We could have regional award shows for the best grocery store checker, awards for best dairy farmer, and awards for the top Best Buy worker and have it televised on a nationwide network.
Now, I cannot deny the fact that I love picking up the tabloids at the market to see what he, she, it was wearing at the show and comment on how awful and disproportional they are, but I could stop. I could step away. I could go on a 12-step program and wean my way off the celebrity tabloids and move on with my J.Lo- free life.
If they only they gave an award for mediocrity.
I would have a shelf full of trophies.
- Rosemary Nottoli is the entertainment editor. She is a senior in journalism and can be reached at