Coming straight from the glamour of Hollywood to your political science lecture, this is The Celebrity Slap.
Boycotting the Boss: New York Senate candidate Marilyn O'Grady is calling for a boycott of Bruce Springsteen because of the Bush-whacking "Vote for Change" concert tour. Good thing, because when I think of un-American, I think of Bruce Springsteen. We'll get you yet, Springsteen.
"Brass Knuckles" Lohan: According to various reports out of Las Vegas, Lindsay Lohan threatened to punch a fan at a party for Stuff magazine. The fan wanted to take her picture. Maybe the fan meant naked, and covered in cottage cheese. Although I think Stuff magazine has already done that.
New "Newlyweds": There are rumors that Britney Spears and soon to be husband Kevin Federline will star in a season of MTV's "my God, are they really that stupid?" show "Newlyweds." Just when it appeared that MTV couldn't trump the empty-headed Jessica Simpson, they get someone more stupid, not to mention her white-trash boyfriend. Bravo, MTV, for making scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel an art form.
Paris news: It appeared in various news sources that Paris Hilton finally found her lost chihuahua, Tinkerbell. This just in: Who the hell cares?!
More exciting Paris news: It was reported in the ever-so-reputable Star that Paris Hilton's house was broken into, and sex tapes of her with Nick Carter were stolen. Either that, or it's a tape of Barbie and Ken going at it. Either way, plastic people.
Who from the block?: Jennifer Lopez is set to make another appearance on NBC's "Will and Grace." Maybe she will play the part of "aging actress/pop star who no one gives a crap about anymore." Lately, she seems to have been researching that role fairly thoroughly.
We Remember: Master chef Julia Child died this week. Now the question everyone's asking: Julia Child was still alive last week? What was she, 130?
Crusin': It has also been reported in various outlets that Tom Cruise won't reveal who he will vote for this coming presidential election. And I was going to vote against him just to cancel him out. Evil plan: foiled.
The Other Hilton: Nicky Hilton reportedly wed in Vegas last Sunday. A Vegas wedding? A touch of class that suits the Hilton sisters to a T. In other news, the wedding night video should be online by the end of next week.
Moore and Moore: Political firebrand/Big Mac-eating champ Michael Moore will release two books this fall. One is a companion to his hit "Fahrenheit 9/11" movie, while the other is filled with letters from soldiers. Wait, doesn't Moore chide President Bush all the time for "profiting" from the Iraq war? Doesn't selling millions of books about the war turn a profit?
That's it for this week. Until next week, remember to be mean to your celebrities. They think they're better than you.
Stories culled from various sources, including CNN, E! News, and the Associated Press