This is The Celebrity Slap, where you'll get the first warning if Shaquille O'Neal ever tries to act again.
Y'arr: Movie studios filed more than 200 lawsuits Tuesday against individuals they believe to have pirated their films from the Internet. At the risk of editorializing, CS stands behind the lawsuits. Anyone stupid enough to want to take their time and not only download but watch "Alfie" should probably have all their worldly possessions taken away from them.
Except for the NFL: The NFL's own "Desperate Housewives" spoof, featuring Terrell Owens and a naked Nicolette Sheridan has led to complaints from the FCC and parents. FCC Chairman Michael Powell asked publicly "I wonder if Walt Disney would be proud." By the ancient art of channeling the dead, CS has received the scoop on Disney's response. In Walt Disney's own words, "Hell yeah, Terrell! Get you some!" (note: John Carruthers cannot channel the dead.)
Muppet, Baby: Walt Disney recently completed the launch of, a Web site concerning the history and current projects of the infamous sock-puppet thespians. Also available are answers to burning questions such as "what kind of creepy person needs an entire Web site dedicated to nothing but the Muppets?"
The King No More: In a recent poll by British music magazine "Q," John Lennon was named the greatest rock 'n' roll icon of all time, beating Elvis Presley for the spot. In a second poll held at my place of residence, British people were named "greatest nation of jackasses with bad teeth and no taste" by both residents and the mailman. Pshh ... Lennon.
That's all for this week. Until next week, remember that there's a little bit of ODB in all of us - and that's why we didn't pass our drug tests.