This is The Celebrity Slap, where there's two-for-one lap dances every Tuesday, and every night is ladies' night.
In Jeopardy: Genius/game show ruiner Ken Jennings won "Jeopardy!" yet again, this time breaking the record for game show winnings with his $2,197,000. If you thought "Jeopardy!" was boring before, remember that now you know who's going to win. Yipee!
Using the John: Pop legend Elton John is developing a sitcom based on the premise of an aging rock star. Working title: "Everybody Loves the Incredibly Gay Songwriter and his Lime Green Jacket." Or, if you're feeling literal, "The King of Queens."
Put it on!: Jessica Simpson received $10 million to develop her own line of clothing. Items will include sportswear, jewelry and underwear. Just when you thought Wal-Mart couldn't get any tackier.
Early "Encore": Eminem and his government-appointed handlers have moved the release date of his new album, "Encore," up to Nov. 12, in an effort to combat piracy. Meaning that if people hear the album early, they won't want to buy it. Yep, sounds like an Eminem album to us.
Yarrr: Hollywood movie studios are planning to start filing lawsuits against those who have illegally downloaded movies from the Internet. At least no one's suing the porn-downloaders. That would be a crap-ton of lawsuits.
Live, from New York: "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels is planning a reality show with a competition to be an SNL cast member. Hopefully, the show will be funnier than SNL has been in recent years.
Doing their "Business": Jay Z and R Kelly's "Unfinished Business" album debuted at number one on the charts. It's R Kelly's best performance since his "that's not me in that tape" act in federal court.
That's all for me. Remember that this weekend, a Jack Daniel's bottle to the head trumps the "Luck of the Irish."
Stories taken from E! News