Welcome to The Celebrity Slap, a carnival game where people throw ducks at balloons, and nothing is as it seems.
They're still around?: '90s alternative rockers The Wallflowers will play a Halloween show aboard an aircraft carrier as the crew is welcomed home after the end of their deployment. You see what happens when we don't support our troops? They have to listen to crap like The Wallflowers.
Haven't the Foggiest: Master of creepy horror John Carpenter is in talks to remake his 1980 thriller "The Fog." We here at CS know that remakes are all the rage, but modern audiences aren't likely to be scared by friggin' fog. Enough already.
Stern Dialogue: Old news shock-jock Howard Stern has come out and accused FCC chairman Michael Powell of getting his job through family connections (his father is Colin Powell). Political clout leading to undeserved gain? Good Lord, Howard, have you just gotten back from "Captain Obvious' Day Camp for Jackasses who Don't Have Anything Entertaining to Talk About?" What happened to throwing mayonnaise at strippers?
Kast your Ballot: Aliens OutKast have received an award from the recording industry for selling 400,000 copies of "Hey Ya!" online, as well as 200,000 copies apiece of "Roses" and "The Way You Move." So it's official, they're truly the most overplayed songs in the history of music. Now we know. So please, please, let the songs die.
Diabolical Dubya: In a poll done by Total Film Magazine, George W. Bush was named "Movie Villain of the Year," referring to his role in Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11." Runner-up, John Kerry in "The Mummy Returns."
Vote or Die, Mutha$%#: Sean "I can't decide on a non-crappy nickname" Combs is touring the nation for his "Vote or Die" campaign. Isn't that a bad idea for someone whose name has been bandied about in murder charges. Maybe he should change it to "Vote or I'll make you watch a J. Lo movie." And also, he should add "Mutha$&%a" at the end.
Remember, Halloween is the devil's holiday. And if you believe that, then you should step in front of a truck.