On what he calls the "mean streets of Farragut," Kyle 'Iceblood' White cultivated a singular "thirst for justice" and a distaste for broken toilets – characteristics that now serve him well as a senior mechanical engineering major running for SGA office. A member of the Insert campaign, White hopes to thrust himself deep into SGA next year as its new student services director. His first reform if elected? Upgrade the job title. His favorite way of reaching out to voters? A handshake. Or a high five. Hugs, he decided, might be "kind of awkward."
Why did you decide to run for this position?
"I think I would be a great Lord Admiral King of Student Services. I saw a movie once, and in the movie, one of the characters said, 'With great power comes great responsibility.' I'm not sure how that relates to your question, but I really like that quote."
What major issues do you plan to address, if elected?
"One of the things I actually intend to pursue during my time if I am elected Lord Admiral King of Student Services is (to) back up all dining dollars in solid gold. Because if you look at PODs (markets) around campus, you'll notice that a box of Oreos is like $8. Do you know why that is? Rampant inflation. Now, if we go ahead put that on the gold standard – problem solved."
With the funding saved by this measure, White plans to invest in other ambitious Insert projects, like nationalizing control of the pirating Vol Navy, "flattening the entire campus" to ease walking to classes and launching a UT moon base station.
What aspects of past student services directors' terms do you think went well and what could have been done better?
"I think I saw a water fountain they built once. ... That was pretty cool.
"I'd really like to see is better oversight of the students in the Fort. So what I'm thinking is maybe we put together a student militia to patrol the Fort on the weekends, make sure no one is getting into trouble. Maybe put some cameras on street corners so we can always keep up with where people are at all points at all times. Find a way to make it so that militia can lock down the Fort in maybe, like, five minutes flat. Now, I'm not saying martial law, but we should find a way to lock down the Fort in five minutes flat. ... What if there's a stabbing? What if there were people just running rampant through the Fort? You gotta put a lid on it. You gotta keep them under wraps. What if they get rambunctious? We can't have that. Gotta protect my students."
Why should you be elected as Student Services Director?
"They don't call me Kyle 'Iceblood' White for nothing. Got iceblood in these veins. I see something, and I pursue it. That's it. I go after that problem – taken care of."