If the female student body had a dime for every time they heard a guy say, "why should I go out with her if she's not putting out?," we'd all be rich.
Relax, male student body. I'm not going to write about how no one should have sexual relations before marriage. I'm a realist. I am going to talk about real relationships. The ones that survive the test of time, not the ones that succumb to time.
So there's a girl you just met, she's beautiful and she thinks you're hot. It has only taken one longish look and all of ten minutes for her to be schmoozed into the back seat of your car or your dorm room. Do you trust her? Does she trust you? I think you both have the same issue at the end of the day or evening, that's lots of questions.
Her question should be, how many other girls has he schmoozed into your dorm room? The guy's questions should be close to the same. How many guys have longingly looked at her and schmoozed her into their dorm room? This new couple will never trust each other. That is where it begins and ends, in a back seat or dorm room.
Now you may still see that person again, but the relationship is probably doomed from the beginning. Lasting relationships begin and end with trust, simple as that.
Now imagine a new scenario, there's this girl (or guy) in your class. She's cute, and she thinks you are adorable. You look over her way every day and she does the same. Clearly you both like each other.
Finally, you get up the nerve to ask her on a date. The date goes great, you talk, get to know each other. You even figure out that not only is she (or he) cute, but also smart and funny. Maybe you don't have everything in common, but you at least you share a passion or values; most of all you enjoy being together.
A relationship would be pretty boring if the two of you were exactly the same. At the end of the evening, you both decide to go on another date. Now, in this interlude, both parties walk away not with questions of trust, but questions of what will I find out about her next.
Relationships should be built one block at a time, not one back seat at a time. Nowadays no one wants to build anything. You want to put in half efforts and think you should become the CEO at some corporation. We just expect we shouldn't have to work at anything, not even our relationships. Somehow, we are entitled to start at the top. The only problem with that is, the only way to go from there is down.
Relationships can only stand the test of time as long as the two people involved are committed to build the trust, communication and feelings together. If you really want a good relationship, build it together. Start slow and work on it.
Nothing should come easy if it's worth having.
— Samantha Warchol is a sophomore in psychology. She can be reached at email@example.com.