The other day in philosophy class, my professor and I got into a heated discussion about America's so-called "war on drugs."

During a recent lecture, my professor – a cold, heartless communist sympathizer who hates traditional American values and believes in heavy government regulation and the redistribution of wealth – laid out the groundwork for the war on drugs, which essentially encompasses every possession arrest, DEA operation and police shootout with some homeless man all teetered up on bath salts and spray paint that has occurred in the last few decades. Some have even gone so far as to call it a "new-age Prohibition."

My personal belief is that this war on drugs is clearly discriminant against minorities – a belief, might I add, that is proven by history; over the last several decades, a large majority of drug arrests made have seen African-Americans behind bars, even though Caucasian drug usage and African-American drug usage is virtually the same. Where is the justice in that?

"What a stupid, foolish point, you stupid, foolish red-blooded American. That doesn't make the war on drugs racist," my professor responded when I brought my point up in class. "A vast majority of drug arrests are made in low-income neighborhoods, which just so happen to consist primarily of African-American families. Check your statistics before you bring your sinister civil rights agenda into my classroom, you moron. Everyone gets an F for the semester!"

As an aside, the entire class jeered loudly at the evil display of academic totalitarianism our professor showed that day. Clearly, it violated their rights as young, independent American citizens. Somewhere that day, a majestic bald eagle named "Small Government" shed a tear to compensate for the oppression we underwent.

However, my professor's malicious words got me thinking. The way he told me to "check my statistics" really stuck with me. I had many a sleepless night trying to process what that statement meant to me, and I've finally reached a groundbreaking catharsis.

The war on drugs isn't racist; statistics are racist.

Think about it: when you look at the statistics, as my professor so politely told me to do, you see that he's correct. Low income neighborhoods are a hotbed for police activity, and there just so happen to be a large amount of black residents there too. It's statistically proven, which is very suspicious. It's almost like these statistics are designed to protect a certain majority...

Let's look back at the founding of mathematics. Gottfried Leibniz and Isaac Newton invented calculus and they were white. Ronald Fisher, the "father of statistics" was white. William Gosset? White. Archimedes? White. Descartes? Super white. Heck, even my Math 113 professor from last semester was white.

My point is that math has been a white man's game for centuries. While there wasn't likely a thinly-veiled, maliciously racist subtext behind math in the beginning, there is now after years of research, development and evolution. Arithmetic has a white agenda, and there's virtually nothing we can do about it.

It perfectly explains why so many supposed "tried-and-true" statistics are quick to put minorities in the spotlight when it comes to the drug war raging on in America.

We used to be known as "a cultural melting pot." Now it hardly passes as that gross, cold macaroni salad that gets left over after every picnic because someone was stupid enough to bring it even though no one wants to eat it.

Buff McLargehuge is a senior in the gym. He can be reached at the gym.