The phenomenon once referred to as "Bieber fever" has – thanks to recent media attention – morphed into "Bieber Influenza."
I suggest schools be shut down for sick days to prevent further students from being infected by this widespread and deadly epidemic.
Clearly this is the only plausible reason why the antics of a 19-year-old child should breach national news. It is so important, in fact, that it was considered "breaking news."
If you are in the shadows about the latest Justin Bieber gossip then congratulations, I envy you. Nevertheless, I will proceed to briefly fill you in: The infamous Justin Bieber was recently arrested in Miami Beach and accused of street racing in his Lamborghini after admitting to police that he had been under the influence of alcohol and drugs.
Shocking! A teenage boy is given an ample amount of money, and we raise him to a higher standard than the average teenage male. If you were given a chance to ride in a Lamborghini, can you honestly say you would not test the speed? Shamefully, I know for a fact I would.
This, however, does not justify driving under the influence. It also does not mean that parents need to make as much of an uproar about this as they have.
I know, Justin Bieber is considered a "role model," but the parents that become so outraged by the bad influences of celebrities are bad influences themselves.
If your child is so affected by how celebrities present themselves to the public, then perhaps you should rely less on using electronics as baby sitters and aspire to be the proper role models you so greatly desire for your children.
Putting so much emphasis on child stars to be ideal role models has again and again ended in failure. Disney recognizes this too – if you have happened to flip to Disney lately, you would find their latest success, "Dog with a Blog."
Disney is so fed up with the backlash of their failed child stars that they have resorted to making a dog their new claim to fame. With their luck however, we may soon be hearing of Sparky's attack of the mailman and imagine the impact that will have on children.
I suppose it would be hard to live under the microscope that celebrities such as Bieber are subjected to. I could see the headlines of my life reading, "Report: Kaila ditches Anthropology Tuesday to go sledding on a cardboard box, is this star already hitting rock bottom?"
I would like to point out, however, that I am by no means justifying the behavior of Justin Bieber – in reality, I do not care. What I do care about is the news worthy controversial issues that the media is limiting us to with the arbitrary following of this rich little brat.
Instead of deporting Bieber, I believe America should treat him like the ex-boyfriend he has become to us and just flat out ignore him. We do not need to physically remove him from our country but mentally place him out of our thoughts and conversations.
Justin Bieber and his fellow flopping celebrities are by far a source of entertainment but should no longer be the scapegoat that media focuses on in hopes of ratings.
Instead, we should challenge ourselves with the troubling realities of our world that at times may not be as satisfying to debate over.
I, personally, am long overdue for a Bieber vaccination.
Kaila Curry is a freshman in English. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.