After a few weeks, I had finally come to terms with my predicament.
I was someone who had been watching sports since having a TV installed above my cradle, and now I was losing a football pool to a professor.
A physics professor.
A physics professor from Denmark - one whose name was Soren.
And while I was embarrassed, I was still OK with it.
The Danish gave us muffins. They gave us little cookies. And now they were giving us a math genius who was put on this Earth to humiliate me.
I had resigned myself to it.
And then the e-mail came.
It was from the Great Dane himself.
"Now is the time for the students and you to show that you can do better," Sorensen said. "Think about it: Rita, the librarian, and Soren, the physics professor, is out in front of you."
Oh, is they?
(Editor's Note: Don't take anything from this typo in Soren's e-mail. Me and you could combine our brains and still not out-smart the little Soren from third grade).
Anyway, if Soren had just checked the numbers, he would've realized the student body and I are actually not behind Rita. We're all in a massive tie.
Sorensen, who learned to trash talk on the mean streets of Copenhagen, wouldn't let correct math get in the way, though. He continued his assault:
"You know about football. You have most likely even played the game, whereas Rita and I have never even played a single down."
(Editor's Note: Gee, I never would've guessed).
"So now that you and the students have ESPN behind you, it is time to go for us."
Well, consider it done, muffin man.
I spent an entire nine minutes researching the games this week - beating the previous record by nine minutes.
And I lined up a good one for the students, too.
This week we've picked Jeremy "I have a few Vegas connections" Jeter to represent you guys.
In an e-mail before the season, the senior said he and his three roommates were "betting maniacs," and that he indeed knew some people in Sin City who gave him "some great inside info on games every week."
And look at the cat's mug shot. He just oozes Vegas.
Now to be fair, the Memphis native said he doesn't gamble anymore. He woke up one day, realized he was a finance major, and then, well, woke up.
But I don't care.
He still knows his stuff. He still studies up on the games. And like any recovering gambleholic, he still says he's going 6-0 this week.
And oh yeah, he still has connections in Vegas.
Be afraid, Soren. Be very afraid.
And don't count out the ESPNers yet, either. They're getting serious again after the inexperienced toddler they sent us last week went just 3-3.
Bruce Feldman is no toddler.
He's a senior writer for ESPN the Magazine and has a popular college football column on espn.com.
The title of the weekly column is "The Blitz."
Hear that, Soren? The writing is on the wall, my friend.
We're coming for ya.
Or at least that's the plan...
o Tennessee at Auburn: After several publications honored them as the national team of the month for July, the Tigers hit a bump on the road to their predestined national championship. Hey, all is not lost on the Plains, though. 'Bama sucks, too.
Prediction: UT, 17-13
o Michigan at Iowa: This game looked a lot better a few weeks ago. Then again, maybe these teams weren't all that great, anyway. Take a look at the "marquee" wins that had everyone hyping up these two. The Wolverines beat Notre Dame. Whoopee. Iowa beat Arizona State. Big whoopee.
Prediction: Michigan, 21-13
o Kansas St. at Texas: I'm a little reluctant to pick the 'Horns, because this seems like a trap game to me. I mean it'll take one heckuva Mack Brown coaching job to prevent his team from looking ahead to its loss against Oklahoma. But I'm a firm believer there's a first time for everything.
Prediction: The other UT, 28-24
o Alabama at Georgia: Earlier this week, Tide coach Mike Shula said his team could be 5-0 without a few of the unlucky breaks they've experienced. Hey, I like that excuse. Without a few unlucky brain cramps, I'd be having that Danish for breakfast every week.
Prediction: UGA, 27-17
o USC at Arizona State: As they quickly descend from hype heaven, it's possible the Sun Devils have passed up Auburn and Virginia as the most predictably average team of the year. And average is being nice with these frauds.
Prediction: USC, 37-20
o Vanderbilt at Miss. State: Force me to go to my 9:00 class. Have me cheer against my beloved Cubbies. Glue me to my seat during Lifetime's chick-flick marathon. Hell, douse me with gas and strike the match. Just don't make me watch this game.
Prediction: Eight turnovers, 21 penalties and a 24-23 Mississippi St. victory (on a missed extra point).
- Brett Edgerton is sports editor of the Daily Beacon and is a senior in journalism. He can be reached at email@example.com.
Trash-talking professor ignites editor's fury
Published: Fri Oct 03, 2003 | Modified: Sat Aug 06, 2005 05:26 p.m.