Here it is. My final stand.
My tenure as Beacon sports editor has come to an end.
No more stealing office supplies. No more calls from university sports that don't matter (just kidding). I leave behind a legacy of insults and bad grammar.
But through all the missing three letter words and mizspelings, I hope that I did my job well. What job is that you may ask?
Educating the public? Entertaining people with my witty column? Sexually harassing my co-workers?
No, you'll have to keep looking. I'm a journalist - meaning bringer of light, information and occasional lawsuits. That means something. It's brings me integrity and a lot of free food.
Since this is my big finale (I'll still be writing a regular column if Jason Johnson lets me, firstname.lastname@example.org if you want that to happen in the fall) I need to share my vast knowledge of UT athletics and burn some bridges in the process.
Point One: Feeling Randy Baby.
You love to hate him. You make up names.
You even crack jokes about his schemes.
But don't blame Randy Sanders for the Volunteer football team's offensive problems.
Conservative is spelled F-U-L-M-E-R. Randy isn't dumb and he isn't a bad coach.
Watch last year's Alabama game if you don't believe me.
Point Two: UT Women are hot.
Let's face it, the Lady Vols rocked the men on all fronts this year. Basketball was to be expected, but even the ladies track program outperformed the men.
Joan Cronan has been giving Mike Hamilton noogies all year. It's tough being the new guy.
Point Three: Miami is my vice.
I, like a few of you shmuck Vol fans was in the Southern tip of Florida for the Hurricanes-Tennessee showdown. Some of you flew, others even took buses, but I sadly rode with a friend and three girls at the end of one of life's particular cycles.
I won't lie. It was the worst experience of my life.
We left K-town at 7 p.m. the Friday before kick-off. We arrived back on campus Sunday morning after the game at 7 a.m.
I rode to Miami, covered the game and rode straight back without sleep, a shower or even alcohol.
No matter how big the game is, never do this. No matter how fun you think it will be, never do this.
Point Four: Quiet Boom
You probably thought it all season, and you know I did. Guys named "Boomer" should be good at basketball.
See ya buddy.
Point Five: Gently Down the Stream.
The women's rowing team is really good. I mean it. Granted, there are more people on the team than go to watch their matches, but the team's coach (Lisa Glenn) has a really awesome last name.
Now go on forgetting they exist.
Point Six: I like boobs.
What can I say? They are there.
Point Seven: Women are to be respected and treated as equals.
Point Eight: TBA blows.
The Vols basketball arena is the worst place to watch a game in the surrounding states. Even Vanderbilt is better.
Did you read what I typed ... even Vandy is better.
Something must be done to fix this problem.
Point Nine: Friends with benefits.
While I am not officially leaving the paper, I will do my best never to be stuck in the basement of Circle Park ever again. I entered two years ago afraid and needing work, now I leave the same.
Thanks to my co-workers (Da Photo Goddess, Winny, Buckethead, the Edge, Canadian, Sweaterbearer, the Shrew, Tool McFool, Mwilly, Babbling Brooks, Army Seals, the Invisible One, Rose, Michael Higgins, Tsunami, Jules and Hollister). Thanks to those that came before me (Tim "Rocket" Vacek and Wes "I'm Fat and Sensitive" Rucker).
Thanks to all the other members of student publications. Bryan for the constant talk of Big Mo, Sunny for brightening my day (drumroll), and Yearbook for being so darned quiet.
Thanks to the staff here (Lovely Karen, Momma Jane, Linda and Lynne). And finally thanks to my readers.
You're responsible for the ego that is Glenn LaFollette.
- Glenn LaFollette is the sports editor for The Daily Beacon and a soon to be super-senior in broadcasting. He can be reached at email@example.com.
LaFollette is finished as sports editor - finally
Published: Wed Apr 28, 2004 | Modified: Sat Aug 06, 2005 06:08 p.m.