I've decided to save my trash-talking until after the first week of The Daily Beacon's 2004 Football Picks Contest.
This week I am outlining the rules.
1. Wes Todd (The Ref), Austin Price (the sports host of the University of Tennessee's radio station a.k.a. The Price is Right) and myself (the High Holy Sports Editor) will turn in our picks for each of the ten games I select for each week of the season.
2. The pickers for the seven stereotypes (Four Eyes, Hippy a.k.a. Red Eyes, Fresh Meat, Sorority Chick, Frat Boy, Redneck and Other) will change each week unless one of two things happens. First, if the student representative for a category beats every other picker for a week, that student will represent his stereotype again the next week.
Also, if anybody picks the outcomes of all ten games correctly, that person retains the right to pick for the remainder of the season. While some see this as an incentive, I see it as living in Fantasy Land...
...because of Rule No. 3. I will win every week. I may have failed at everything related to athletics throughout my dismal life, but that will only make my inevitable victory even sweeter.
But when Four Eyes turned in the same picks as me for the first week, I knew I had a problem. So, since my eyes are perfect, I automatically win the tiebreaker (just kidding).
4. The tiebreaker will be the total number of points scored in UT's game.
Now onto the games:
- South Carolina at Vandy: The Commodores return all their starters from last season. That means those same players have already proven they're incapable of winning more than a couple of SEC games...this won't be one of them.
Prediction: South Carolina, 34-21.
- Oregon St. at LSU: The Tigers are coming off a national championship. This is no-brainer...unless of course you're the Hippy (what was he smoking?).
Prediction: LSU, 37-7.
- Memphis at Ole Miss: The Tigers beat Eli Manning's Rebels in Memphis last year. Ole Miss no longer has the services of a Manning, but they do have revenge on their minds.
Prediction: Ole Miss, 27-24.
- Kentucky at Louisville: Hefty, lefty quarterback Jared Lorenzen is no longer in charge of the Wildcats' offense. Their in-state rival is an up-and-coming football giant.
Prediction: Louisville, 48-17.
- Tulane at Mississippi State: Sylvester Croom becomes the first African-American head coach in the SEC. That's a wonderful thing...too bad I can't say the same nice things about his lack of returning talent.
Prediction: Tulane, 20-14.
- Wake Forest at Clemson: Does anyone doubt the Tigers after last year's Peach Bowl? I didn't think so.
Prediction: Clemson, 28-24.
- Notre Dame at BYU: Coach Tyrone Willingham had a disappointing second season with the Irish. But history shows Notre Dame doesn't stay in the gutter very long.
Prediction: Catholics over Mormons, 35-28.
- Florida St. at Miami: The biggest question surrounding this game is which Seminole place kicker will miss the game-winning field goal this year. Not gonna happen...FSU is due.
Prediction: FSU, 21-20.
- Duke at Navy: I grew up going to Duke football games like most of you grew up watching the Vols. Unfortunately, my Dad is one of those sports nuts who stays until the last second of every game, even when the Blue Devils were losing 31-9 to Navy at home in the mid-1990s. But the program that has seen three 0-11 seasons during the past decade has a new coach, Ted Roof. Excuse the pun...but he is Raising the Roof of Duke football. Okay, quit laughing so I can give you my prediction.
Prediction: Duke, 35-0.
- UNLV at UT: Even though the Vols will start a freshman quarterback, I think most students are happy to see anyone besides the duck-footed Casey Clausen under center.
Prediction: UT, 27-3.